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CanoeingLynx and PartridgeWalleye Rising

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What if we had Global Cooling?

By Marvin PIRILA


What if we were experiencing Global Cooling?  Oops, I meant a different order of “climate change.”  By some professional accounts the earth has been cooling for 17 straight years, but it is an “anomaly.”  On the other hand it isn’t an anomaly when the earth gently warms over a little longer period.  Nope, it’s a full-blown global crisis.  A hundred years is nothing when compared to the billions of years the earth may have been in existence.


We hear that if we don’t do something now, the temperatures will get warmer, oceans will rise, islands will go under, shores will move closer to cities, etc. The price we will pay is just too high, warmer temperatures, greater vegetation (20% more by some calculations), and shorter winters.  That just won’t do.  We need to be able to regulate the thermostat of the world climate to our collectively desired temperature.  As we get older and older, we will naturally want to crank that thermostat on high.


Personally, many of us would like to store our wool pants, hats, gloves, and boots for more than a few months every year.  Warmer weather is not the worst thing for those of us suffering the wrath of Mother Nature in the arctic called Minnesota.


What if there was a threat that summers in the central part of the country would dwindle to a month a year?  If ice covered three quarters of the earth, it would make a heck of a skating rink.  We could snowmobile or drive our vehicles overseas with gas stations scattered throughout our world of ice.  If the ice ran thick enough we could lay railroad tracks and ship goods by trains.  What good would ships be if the majority of the world was bound by ice?  The Russian Yeti and the American Bigfoot could meet for lunch and discuss myths.  Everyone could finally forget about borders because they would be so large that no one would be able to stop anyone.


We couldn’t have that, so we’d have to pool the finances of everyone everywhere to fight it.  We could fight it by cutting all renewable energy (wind, solar, corn-based ethanol, etc. – all of the small percentage it is every likely to be) and run coal like crazy for heat and electricity.  We’d need to bump up the CO2 immensely to warm the earth.  We would have to find ways to dissipate clouds and smoke from our skies so the maximum amount of sun could hit the planet.  We might have to cut the required MPG by manufacturers, produce only gas guzzlers, and mandate excessive driving. If things didn’t change, we’d have to outlaw bikes, insist on driving instead of mass transit, and limit passengers to two per vehicle.


As camels are imperative to warming via methane emissions, we would have to insist that their populations are maximized.  Cows too, would become sacred, as their maximum output is needed to warm the planet.  Forget trees, they capture CO2 that we need to warm things up.  Cut them down, burn them and get that CO2 soaring.


Polluters would be liberated as regulations would not be needed, and could pass along the savings to their customers.  We would have record low prices for gas, electricity, heating fuel, food, wood, etc.  Heck, we’d all be living BIG, at least for a while.


Another benefit would be that no country would be penalized for the benefit of another.  Everyone would be individually responsible for maximizing their own CO2 output.


Ideally, we could build a global cover that would let sunlight in, but trap the greenhouse gases here so we could have the ultimate control of the weather.

Sound ridiculous?  No more than the propaganda currently being spewed across blame stream media.


Questions that deserve answers before spending countless billions, and likely trillions, to find that it was all in vain: 


   1. What caused previous warming periods to turn to ice ages, only to reverse course yet again.  There was no great human civilization then to manipulate nature to save the world
   2. Would we have the fossil fuels we use today if it hadn’t been much warmer at a previous point in Earth’s existence?
   3. Can man really affect global climate, when it plays such a minimal role?
   4. Are higher CO2 levels actually more beneficial than current levels?


Until there are reasonably factual answers to these questions, the current talk is nothing but pure speculation.  Will the claim of man-made global warming become the biggest man-made hoax of all time?  It is certainly on track to be exactly that.